Hey, Can We Talk About… That Thing?

“Hey, Can We Talk About… That Thing?” (Or How to Bring Up Sex Toys Without Sounding Like a Robot or a Porn Director)

You ever notice how easy it is to talk about, like, what to eat for dinner or which Netflix show to binge next, but the second the word “vibrator” slips into the conversation, suddenly you’re both staring at your socks like they’ve got the answers? Yeah. Me too.

Here’s the thing—sex toys aren’t some shadowy, back-alley secret anymore. They’re everywhere. Sleek little bullet vibes in pastel pinks, fancy app-controlled gadgets that look like they belong in a sci-fi movie, even couples’ board games (yes, really). The world’s basically screaming, “Hey! Sex can be more fun!” But how do you actually say that to your partner without sounding like you’re reading from a teleprompter—or worse, like you’re judging them?

Spoiler: It’s not as scary as you think.

Step 1: Pick Your Moment (Hint: Not Mid-Makeout)

Look, I get it. The bed seems like the obvious place to bring this up—you’re already naked, the mood’s right, what’s the worst that could happen? A lot, actually.

Imagine you’re mid-kiss, things are getting good, and then—BAM—“Hey, babe, ever thought about adding a machine to this?” Cue the record scratch. Suddenly, your partner’s brain short-circuits: “Wait, am I not enough? Do I need… backup?” And just like that, what could’ve been a fun chat turns into an existential crisis.

Do this instead: Bring it up when you’re chilling. Like, actually chilling. Maybe you’re folding laundry (sexy, I know), or sharing a pizza, or stuck in traffic together complaining about your boss. The key? No pressure. You want them to hear you, not panic that they’re about to be replaced by a silicone superstar.

Try something like: “So… I was reading this weirdly interesting article today about how couples are using toys to spice things up. Like, not because anything’s wrong, but just… for fun? What do you think?”

See? No accusations. No “you’re failing me.” Just… curiosity.

Step 2: Make It About Adding, Not Fixing

Here’s where most people mess up. They frame toys like a solution to a problem—“We need this because [insert complaint here]”—and suddenly, your partner’s ego is on the floor like a dropped ice cream cone.

Don’t say: “I think we should get a vibrator because you never make me—” Do say: “You know how I love when you [specific thing they do]? I bet we could make that even wilder with [toy].”

See the difference? One sounds like a critique. The other sounds like an adventure.

Pro tip: Start with something small. A tiny finger vibe, a flavored lube, a blindfold—something that says “let’s play” instead of “let’s redesign our entire sex life.” The Triple Ripple Finger Vibe is a great gateway toy—it’s cute, it’s simple, and it won’t make anyone feel like they’re auditioning for a Fifty Shades reboot.

Step 3: Do Your Homework (Solo Mission First)

Okay, real talk: If you’ve never even held a vibrator before, springing one on your partner like “Surprise! Now we’re tech-enhanced!” might not go over so well.

Try this: Get yourself a beginner toy—something quiet, discreet, and not intimidating (the Wireless Remote Egg is a great starter). Play with it alone first. Figure out what you like. Then, when you’re ready, casually drop it into the mix during foreplay. “Hey… want to see something fun?”

Why this works:

• You’re not putting pressure on them to “perform” with a new toy.
• You’re showing them it’s not a big deal—just another way to have fun.
• If they’re curious, they’ll ask. If they’re hesitant, you haven’t made it a thing yet.

Step 4: Keep Talking (Yes, Even When It’s Awkward)

So you’ve had the talk. You’ve even used a toy together. Cool! Now… don’t just drop it.

Sex toys aren’t a one-and-done deal. Tastes change. Fantasies evolve. Maybe last month you were all about the Good Head for Him Kit, and now you’re eyeing a couples’ massager. The only way to know? Keep the convo alive.

Try asking: “What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try but were too shy to say?” “If we could design the perfect toy for us, what would it do?” “Remember that thing we did with [toy] last week? What if we…?”

And listen. Really listen. Because sometimes, the best ideas come from the messy, giggly, “Wait, you like that?” moments.

The Bottom Line (No, Not That Kind)

Look, talking about sex toys isn’t about fixing your sex life. It’s about expanding it. It’s like saying, “Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing already—what if we made it even better?”

Will it feel weird at first? Probably. Will you both laugh at the wrong times? Definitely. But that’s part of the fun.

So take a breath. Pick a low-key moment. And remember: The goal isn’t to change what you’ve got—it’s to play with it.

(Now go forth and vibrate responsibly.) 😉